James Hartline, professional idiot

November 18, 2008

When a gay friend’s house was threatened by one of the recent wildfires, I said to him, “How long do you suppose it will be before the gays get blamed for this?” Answer: Not long at all, thanks to James Hartline, one of the crankiest ex-homos you’ll ever meet. James, who lives in San Diego, spends a lot of time—a lot of time—at pride parades and other gay gatherings, occasionally taking time out to browse the latest porno magazines, all for the sake of research, naturally. Not surprisingly, James had plenty to say about the fires raging in California, so I’ve picked out a few highlights (you can Google him if you want to read the whole thing; he gets no link-lovin’ from me):

“Each time homosexual activists attempt to force their agenda on California, there have been raging, massive, incinerating fires sweeping across the California landscape.”

In other news, incinerating wildfires sweep across the landscape each time Californians approve Constitutional amendments stripping gays and lesbians of their civil rights.

“You see, the problem is this: God has plans for California in the near days ahead. Thus, these attempts to force an ungodly tyranny on this state are being met blow with blow by God. God is saying, ‘California shall be a refuge for America when the catastrophes come. California belongs to Me, not the advocates of sexual anarchy.'”

James, since you and God are BFFs, do you think you could tell him that….uh, this is awkward….he’s burning the wrong stuff? He obviously meant to flame-broil West Hollywood and San Francisco, but his aim is about as accurate as a Fox News report.

“The more that homosexual activists press their battle in California, the more there will be great calamaties in this state. Go ahead, challenge the Lord Thy God in this season. For I have heard the voice of the Lord say, ‘This state belongs to God! It is not the land of degradation and immorality anymore. I shall have My way, for this land, I created. And this land is Mine!’ thus saith the Lord.”

Hmm. I was led to believe by no less an authority than Woody Guthrie that this land was your land, and this land was my land. But never mind that; I’m relieved, though a little surprised, to learn that if we stop protesting, California will see all its disasters come to an end, including fires, earthquakes, and Barry Zito’s tenure as a Giant.

“How low will we go? Why won’t they listen? Why won’t they stop their madness? The Bible says that in the last days, the nations will rebel against God until He can’t take it anymore. Was it all worth it? Were the few years of sexual immorality worth the eternal destruction and earthly chaos it brought? How low will we go?”

Apparently, quite low.

By the way, when a commenter on Hartline’s blog suggested that God might not be entirely responsible for these events, James responded swiftly and scornfully:

“…the idea that these fires are not God’s judgment or His doings because the fires were started by arsonists or overcrowding or drought, is just plain stupid. God uses many factors at His disposal to bring forth His will and His purposes.”

Did you catch that? Arsonists can’t be held responsible for their actions, but gay people make the choice to be wicked! In other words, if you’re a firestarter, you’re doing God’s work, but if you’re a flamer, you’re going to hell. Right, James? ….James? Oh, I guess he already left for the Boom Boom Room.

Postscript: My gay friends’ house, unlike most of the homes around it, was spared. And if you’d like to do something for the wildfire victims besides channeling a vengeful God to crow over their misfortune, click here to learn how to help.

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5 Responses to “James Hartline, professional idiot”

  1. Medea said

    So if I deliberately start a destructive fire, it’s not my fault; it’s really God’s fault; by which we mean, it’s actually the fault of all those pesky gay people who won’t stay in the closet?

    Next time I feel like arson, I’ll be sure to explain myself using that very argument…

  2. Amy said

    Medea, that too is only a matter of time. Hey, “trans panic” is to blame when someone murders a transperson, and Twinkies are to blame when someone assassinates a couple of city officials (as long as one’s gay and one’s gay-friendly). So why not blame arson on us too?

  3. Rachel said

    James sounds like one of the dudes I talked to when I was participating in visibility actions for No on 8– the one who said, “If Prop 8 fails, I’m worried about earthquakes.”

    “Sir,” I said, “You’re approximately one mile from the Hayward fault. There will be earthquakes, and they will have everything to do with plate tectonics, not with gay marriage. The fossil record shows that this fault has been active long before same sex marriage, Californians, or humans.”

    Then I started a conversation with someone else before he could tell me he didn’t believe in fossils.

  4. Joy said

    With all due respect and love, people, don’t make the mistake of thinking these people will respond to logic and reason. Logic and reason are outside the realm of their experience, and the last things that are going to shake their beliefs are facts. Their little brains didn’t get where they are by listening to facts, gosh darn it, and they’re not going to start listening to those godless theories (you know, the stuff we call “science”) now.

  5. House-Still-Standing said

    Ah, Fearlessleader, you saw it coming. Just like the French Quarter in New Orleans, our homo hideaway was spared. Our right wing neighbor’s house went up like a stack of kerosene-soaked matches. Scenes of his molten McCain sign were savored like a fine wine.

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