There’s a special place in Hellman’s for you

November 21, 2008

“When I get hungry, the instinct is there so that I will go out and find nourishment to keep my body alive. But if I want to do things with food that food was not meant to be used like, it is a perversion of my instinct. I will gain no nutrition or health from smearing mayonaise and kaopectate all over my body. And it’s icky. Four percent of people may think it’s just dandy, but it will never be the right way to eat.”

I think we may have just stumbled upon some important information about right-wing fundamentalist bigots: They think Kaopectate is food. Y’all, this could go a long way toward explaining why they’re so uptight.

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2 Responses to “There’s a special place in Hellman’s for you”

  1. Joy said

    Do fundamentalist churches teach courses in convoluted metaphor writing? I can’t believe the tortured logic of some of these.

  2. Emily said

    Show me a man who believes rubbing mayonnaise on one’s body has no health benefits, and I’ll show you a man who has never tried it.

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