Twitterwitted

December 3, 2008

“There are all kinds of gay people. You can’t tell by looking, but you can tell by knowing them. I know my kids. Both my girls are boy crazy, and to borrow a word from Bambi, are ‘twitterpated’ (sp?) with certain boys. My son told me he wants to marry someone just like his older sister, and he stops dead in his tracks when the Victoria Secret commercial comes on, etc. All 3 are definitely breeders. But this is just a side point, it doesn’t really matter if my kids believe they are gay or not. It is still wrong.”

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be on this woman’s Christmas-card list! I can picture the holiday letter now: “It’s been a great year for us! Proposition 8 passed, and that wasn’t the only good news on the heterosexuality front: Sherri and Terri are minutes away from flinging off their Purity Rings and having mad, unprotected muskrat sex in the school supply closet with any number of their male classmates, and Rod, when not harboring incest fantasies, enjoys drooling lasciviously over buxom, scantily-clad models on late-night Spike TV. We couldn’t be prouder of them!”

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3 Responses to “Twitterwitted”

  1. Cola said

    Ugh. Well, I actually felt a small pang of unexpressed disappointment that my sister is so into boys. I’ve thought a lot recently about my family and there are no gay people among us. It’s unfortunate. Anyway, if anyone is hiding in a closet, they’re doing a very good job.

    As a bisexual person, I come the closest, but because I’m dating a member of the opposite sex, the just tell themselves I’m going through a phase and don’t mean it.

  2. Cola said

    Oh wow for reading your comments before you post them! That first line makes me sound like an incestual pedophile. Let me clarify; she’s twelve. When I realised there were no out-gay people in my family, I thought about those who hadn’t expressed a sexual identity yet, and she was among them, but now she’s old enough to be very clear about her orientation. So yeah. I’m not into my sister or anything.

  3. mzbitca said

    Cola,
    I understood, don’t worry.

    I have a family member like this. He is incredibly sexist, and will always plan get togethers with his male cousins and completely disregard the females. In the x-mas card his wife wrote she joked about how much he enjoys looking down the blouse of the woman who massages him. I was just floored that she thought his sexism and obvious belief that it’s okay that he looks at others women’s bodies without their permission was viewed as so unoffensive to put it in a x-mas card.

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