“Well I’m married (that’s real married for you confused folks), and besides the ethics of my adult sexuality excludes the molestation (that’s subduction to you confused folks) of adolescents.”

SUBDUCTION [suhb-duhk-shuhn]: Geology. The process by which collision of the earth’s crustal plates results in one plate’s being drawn down or overridden by another, localized along the juncture (subduction zone) of two plates.

REAL MARRIAGE [reel mah-raj]: Entrenched patriarchy. The process by which collision of two human beings results in one woman’s being drawn down or overridden by a man such as Marc34me, who, incidentally, is the same fine specimen who  gave us this.


Oh, brother

March 31, 2009

“People don’t have the big families like they did in years past so fewer ‘younger brothers’. Why are there so many more gays now than years ago. Mormons still have large families and when was the last time you saw a gay Mormon?”

Yesterday. Oh, no, scratch that, it was just this morning. Hey! There goes another one!

“Gays want to ask how their marriage hurts us? Ok you want an answer then answer this, how will gay marriage benefit the rest of the 95% of the population, if your answer is that it wont help, neither will we.”

Ignoring for a moment the myriad ways in which marriage equality arguably does benefit society, let’s simply consider the implications of adopting a system in which everything that doesn’t actively and tangibly advance the greater good is outlawed. Then, let’s consider the probability that the same guy who posted this is also on seven different internet forums telling anyone who will listen that Barack Obama is a dirty socialist.

“A merrage is and has been between a Man and a Woman. I don’t care what Homosexuals do as long as they do not degrade merrage. Don’t use the word ‘Merrage’ in your what ever.”

Isn’t it nice when their requests are so easy to accommodate?

Prop 8, can you hear me?

March 27, 2009

“Let me pose a question for you. I am not No on 8 bashing. Just posing a question. So don’t infer anything malicious. If women who have been on average paid 70 cents on the dollar of men, suddenly feel that they are discriminated against because they are ‘female’ in the employment category. Could they just use the word ‘male’ on job applications? We already have protections against discrimination for them but that didn’t do enough. They would rather use the same term as men.”

Isn’t that just like women? You men go out of your way to pass awesome anti-discrimination laws so that we’ll knock off our whining, and instead of taking our 70 cents and being grateful, we just keep complaining. In truth, we probably wouldn’t have been clever enough to dream up the whole “pretend to be a man” thing without the help and inspiration of this kind commenter (who are we, Yentl?), but now that we’ve got the idea in our heads, we intend to run with it. Watch out, workplaces of the world! We’re coming for your urinals next!

“It’s a good when the undocumented workers of this State have more rights then it’s citizens. You have a right to be gay. THAT”S YOUR RIGHT, I have the right not to be gay..THAT”S MY RIGHT !! Now shut up already and get back to work.”

My mind continues to boggle at the sheer number of people who seem genuinely to believe that Proposition 8 was the only thing standing between themselves and a mandatory new life as a gay swinger. At least the perceptive citation of immigration law gives this one its own special pizzazz.

Odessay, can you see

March 24, 2009

“It was at the time of Onstatine that a group of Bishops using existing manuscripts decided what was to be put in the Bible and what was not. We have far more documents dated much closer to the original writings for the New Testament than we do any other ancient document, that is considered to be literiarilly accurate, inlcuding the Illiad and the Odessay”

Wait…..all that stuff about Scylla and Charybdis, and Circe turning the guys into swine, and the blinding of the cyclops…..you’re implying that there’s some question about its historical accuracy? Amazing. I am Onstantly surprised by the things I learn here.

“If ‘Math’ is the state of being and ‘addition’ is the ethic, the the ‘sum’ is the moral, i. e.
1+2=3 (A true state of being)
If we ‘redefine’ the ethic by changing the symbol (+) to (-), yet cling to the first ‘moral’ then we get;
1-2=3 (a false state of being or a lie)
The True Moral of the second being is (-1);
1-2=-1 (a true statement of the second being)
This isn’t to say that addition is ‘better’ than subtraction, it only illustrates that the truth, regardless of the ethic, will always lead to an honest moral that is constructive to the state of being; in this case Math.
If math is a ‘universal concept’ then its processes apply to all ‘things’. Since [same-gender marriage] is a thing, then ‘math’ applies, there for SGM does not equal M. I suspect those who adopt policies [that] defy something as simple as math are the first to go.”

We can only hope.

Very crafty

March 20, 2009

“Since perhaps you are a homosexual of course you would love not to be judged as vile and discusting of a human being. Therefore you cut out most of the epistle’s of Paul and replace with those of which you assume contradict Paul’s rather stern words against homosexuality. Very convenient, organized, and tidy as most homosexuals tend themselves to be.”

Welcome to Bible-Desecrating with the Anal-Retentive Sodomite! Today we’ll create perfectly symmetrical papier-mâché napkin rings from the pages of Paul’s letters, and tomorrow we’ll be applying our X-acto knives to Leviticus to turn tired Old-Testament proscriptions into neat yet festive origami tiaras.

“Just ’cause you keep calling marriage a ‘right’ doesn’t make it so. If marriage is a ‘right’, then baptism must be a ‘right’, right?”


“Sorry I don’t care who has a union with who.
Who marries who yes.
But right now I am mulling over something important.
Whether or not to but a Sham Wow.”

Well, I’m glad you’re being Proactiv about this marriage issue. We can’t have people getting Snuggie with just anyone, or putting their Magic Bullet where it doesn’t belong.

“This sounds gay to me. I don’t want my marriage called anything but a marriage. Same sex can call there’s anything but marriage. The Nancy boys and Johnny Girls just won’t stop till they get everyone licked.”

As someone who grew up on the sexless sleuthing of Nancy Drew and the Dana Girls, I got all nostalgic reading this comment, and I began to envision a new line of Nancy Boys and Johnny Girls mystery books for queer and questioning kids. Then I realized that the very first Hardy Boys mystery involves a guy who wears a wig and steals a jalopy called “The Queen,” so maybe I’m too late.

An old clock and a study lamp to Joy for sending this gem!

Funky Flawed Medina

March 16, 2009

“No we are wise as serpents,and you guys would love to catch us with our pants down (no punt) we are wise to the tricks you guys pull the sore loser you are..dont even say that you people wouldnt try that for the $$$.come on..all is fair when money is involved to pay out..no im old school i like women as tone loke said,i have no plans with a man’ this is the 80’s i love the ladies..sorry dude”

I’m about as hip to the ins and outs of rap music as the average cloistered nun, but I do try to do my research when a FF contributor throws an unfamiliar pop-culture reference my way. So now, after a serpentine (no punt!) Google-journey back to the late ’80s,  I know who Tone-Loc is, and I know that this mangled attempt at a quotation comes from his hit song “Funky Cold Medina,” and I know that it’s a wee bit ironic to bolster your argument for traditional heterosexual courtship and marriage by citing a song about a cavalier date-rapist.

“DISGUSTING SODOMITES. The purest sulfpher in the world can be found at whats left over from the ancient city of Sodom and Gemorah. The purest sulpher(brimestone) rained down on those people, because of their homosexuality, beastialty and their pedophilles who walked the streets free. What are these people going to do when an earthquake takes away the electricity for their TV and refrigerator. What happens when their food and water supply they take for GRANTED, is taken away? Big Brother dosen’t care about the individual. The only place your headed to is a FEMA Concentration Camp”

I, for one, feel a lot better knowing that when the Last Judgment comes, FEMA will be on hand to restore order with their characteristic competence and compassion. Heckuva job, Big Brother! (No one could have predicted that a lake of fire would open up and swallow the wicked….)

Weird science

March 12, 2009

“CO is not he same as CO2. Close, but not the same. One fizzes your soda, the other one kills you. How ‘the same’ is that? It’s not. Simplar, yes. But the difference is significant.”

Not a moment too soon, the Knights Simplar galloped onto the scene to crusade against nuanced thought and intelligent discourse.

“Why does the gay community have to go for the church’s juggler (the term: marriage) and risk getting slammed? Is the gay community just being hateful here, or am I missing something… and if I am then I am sure you will tell me.”

This is how great ideas are born. How much more awesome would church be if it came with circus acts? I’m picturing high-wire homilies, offering-plate spinners, acolytes who eat the candles rather than simply snuffing them out, and Rick Warren as the head clown.

“People like you are true lost soles.”

Where did I put my combat boots?

“Every year, a quarter or more of homosexuals visit another country.20 Fresh American germs get taken to Europe, Africa and Asia. And fresh pathogens from these continents come here. Foreign homosexuals regularly visit the U.S. and participate in this biological swapmeet.”

Finally, a logical explanation for the high mortality rate in Palm Springs.

(By the way, I had a hunch that that random “20” was an endnote reference that our commenter forgot to delete, so I did a little Googling. Turns out this paragraph was lifted directly from a Family Research Institute pamphlet about how gay men are relentlessly icky and distressingly non-xenophobic; among other things, it informs us that “gays carried HIV from New York City to the rest of the world.” If you’d like to read a delicious take-down of this paragraph, and an explanation of why its statistics are ludicrous as presented, click here.)

(And yes, the post title is for all you math geeks.)

“Here’s one to chew on…Whoa to those who call good evil and evil good.”

Ah, yes, the immortal words of Thomas Equinas.

Atalanta gets the carrot for this one.


I’m Sodam tired of these people.