“God heals people from this mean and nasty illness that the Government thrive on and instead of the Government helping these people with the mental illness that these people have suffer from their past they turn to each other and form a big cult and No matter what. God said it loud in clear why he made man and women to be come one and carry their off spring man and man can’t and women and women unless they do it the medical way. So thanks for the lovely Government we so have they already have in place the one world order look at the facts and on line forget about the news on tv they don’t hardly tell the truth any ways. People need to wake up and put their faith in God and not in the President exspelly when they say one world order or the new one world order. look into it and take the time out of your busy life and you will be shock to see how we are being used and robed by the Government and the Federal Reserve”

Quick, guess the screen name of the whiz who submitted this post:

A) “Bloviate.”
B) “Prattle.”
C) “Blather.”
D) “Think.”

Yes. That’s correct.

Brother, can you paradyme?

December 6, 2008

“Mormons have endured more persecution than any of the fruits and nuts of California can throw their way. You don’t scare us. You want to boycott everything Mormon or Utah? Good, our Hotels won’t have to double wash the sheets with clorox anymore. More deep powder skiing and tranquility in our National Parks for us normal people. We’ve had governors sign extermination orders on us, been kicked out of five states, marched into the wilderness in the dead of winter. etc…, a few pansies are hardly worth losing any sleep over. Pro Marriage is not a Mormon thing, you ignorant fairies, It’s a 5,000 year old tradition, red blooded Americans are simply trying to maintain the status quo, the antagonists with the new paradyme is the gay community. Carry on you spoiled, narcicistic, petulant boobs. You came into our space, and you want a fight? You got it. It’s just that we will beat you through the democaratic process with dignity and decorum and not through threats and tantrums.”

I’m just going to run back to my “space” and double-wash my ignorant pansy brain with Clorox, but you keep up that “dignity and decorum,” dear.

Four-play

October 29, 2008

“Prop 8 is simply about 4 individual Judges who think that the Majority of Californians are STUPID tot make laws and govern themselves. What amazes me is that 4 individuals who sit on their high thrones and have no concept of reality have the ability to force the majority to live by their laws, (wasn’t there 4 in Hiliter’s forcefull form of Government and did they not control the masses with their laws?).”

I think that’s called Gowidinning the thread.

So many questions

October 19, 2008

“For me, I see this marriage issue as a slipper slope. Where does it end? Where does the slope stop slipping? Does our society start embracing polyandry? poligny? What about the bonobo society where multiple men marry multiple women?”

You know those insulting “Reading Group Guides” they stick at the ends of otherwise worthwhile novels these days? I feel like this comment needs one.

1) The author refers to a “slipper slope.” What do you think this means? Are bunnies involved?

2) Do you think “Where does the slope stop slipping” qualifies as a Buddhist koan? Where does the slope stop slipping?

3) There is much disagreement over the unconventional use of “poligny” in this passage. Some have suggested that its intended meaning here is “Having sex with two or more Chloe Sevignys.” Do you have a better idea?

4) The author writes about the sexually promiscuous and polygamous men and women of the “bonobo society.” Do you think the author realizes that bonobos are not people at all, but endangered Congolese apes? Discuss.

“I was and still am both a Clay Aiken fan and a prop 8 supporter. He’s a great singer and prop 8 is great for society.”

This is so unfair. If we’re going to deny marriage to American Idol alums, does anybody really think that the innocuous, luxuriously-banged Clay Aiken should be the first one voted off? I mean, just imagine Taylor Hicks acting as both the groom and the spastic drunken uncle at his wedding reception, or Kellie Pickler asking for clarification of the definition of “forsaking” in the middle of the ring ceremony, or Constantine Maroulis making smarmy eyes at the same poor woman for the rest of his life. Are you really going to tell me that Clay’s the one who doesn’t deserve wedded bliss?

As Simon would say, “What the bloody hell are you thinking?”

Anybody seen my rife?

October 18, 2008

“What is interesting to me is the Gay community is making this a Constitutional Issue. So where is the rife it is plan and simple but the GAY community is trying to fool and deceive the State of California, the Good ole USA, as well and the World.”

That is interesting. See, all this time I’ve been erroneously thinking that the people who made this a constitutional issue were the 1.1 million Californians—of whom I’m guessing precious, precious few were gay—who signed petitions to create a ballot measure that would amend the California state constitution.

I’d say something snarky about the rest of the comment, but I have a sudden urge to go buy propane.

“The fact is that homosexuality is abnoraml on the face of it. And don’t use the silly arguement that it must somehow be normal or natural because some animals in nature engage in homosexual activity. We, well, at least most of us, are not the thoughtless beast of the field. My dog sometimes humps the carpet. That doesn’t make him a shag-a-phile.”

How short is that dog, exactly?

“We love our gay family members and friends. They have civil unions and proper estate planning to protect them. If Prop 8 does not pass, we will not be allowed to disagree with them. We will be opening a literal Pandora’s Box.”

Fast-forward to the November 5 of my fondest dreams:

ME: “It’s pretty ironic that a Biblical literalist wouldn’t know the meaning of ‘literal.'”

COMMENTER: “That’s not what ‘ironic’ means. ‘Ironic’ is, like, rain on your wedding day.”

[Police arrive to arrest Commenter for disagreeing with a gay]

“Gay is wrong, gay tendencies aren’t as long as there not acted on and prayer counselling can help. If a person is attracted to little sheep that doesn’t make it natural or right.”

Big sheep are fine.