“People like you are true lost soles.”

Where did I put my combat boots?

“Every year, a quarter or more of homosexuals visit another country.20 Fresh American germs get taken to Europe, Africa and Asia. And fresh pathogens from these continents come here. Foreign homosexuals regularly visit the U.S. and participate in this biological swapmeet.”

Finally, a logical explanation for the high mortality rate in Palm Springs.

(By the way, I had a hunch that that random “20” was an endnote reference that our commenter forgot to delete, so I did a little Googling. Turns out this paragraph was lifted directly from a Family Research Institute pamphlet about how gay men are relentlessly icky and distressingly non-xenophobic; among other things, it informs us that “gays carried HIV from New York City to the rest of the world.” If you’d like to read a delicious take-down of this paragraph, and an explanation of why its statistics are ludicrous as presented, click here.)

(And yes, the post title is for all you math geeks.)

“Where do you draw the line on this? Some things must remain traditional. Man and woman. Thats as traditional as it gets. To me it would be like combining Christmas and Easter into one holiday. Wouldnt work would it. Why not draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa and destroy a work of art. Getting the picture?”

Marcel Duchamp is kicking himself right now for never having thought to draw bunny ears on Santa.

“I’m glad this story is finaly in print so I can comment. 1- People of the other type of Sex- Don’t try to change school studys as they are 2- only man & wife can comsomate a marriage, with a church 3- they (Others) can only be married by the Law (Justic of the peace if you will) no type of law to make a church as far as paper work goes to legalies your union will be legal.For any court, DNA required.”

So, you’ve been working on this comment for….how long, exactly?

The common thread is Axl Rose

December 11, 2008

“Lifestyle is a choice. Why should a particular lifestyle receive special treatment? What will be next? Special treatment for rappers, rockers, and surfers, etc. Unfortunately, I live in California. I wish they would bocott California.”

Some mornings, the tortured logic of these folks (such as this one, who seems to believe that “rappers, rockers, and surfers” are not, and should not be, permitted the “special treatment” of being able to marry) becomes less interesting than the contortions my own mind performs when reading their inevitably sub-literate exegeses. For example, I initially read the last sentence of this comment as “I wish they would botox California.” And I thought “Beverly Hills is all over that idea already.” And then I realized that that had nothing to do with marriage equality. And then I realized that surfers and rappers and, heck, most of the stuff in these comments had nothing, really, to do with marriage equality. And then I went back to bed.

“A lot of people seem to think that this argument is tied to racial issues of the past, but they are wrong. You could use that same arguement against people who think NAMBLA should be legal. After all who are you to say what a man and a boy does should not be blessed by the ‘Raciest people of the past’.”

Look, “Lloyd,” I don’t know what turns you on, but I can assure you that there’s not a single NAMBLA supporter on my list of the Raciest People of the Past.

“you have to remember the message of the cross is lost on thoughs that are perishing”

The homophobes do love their homophones.

“Everytime the Left loses, they go to court to overturn the will of the people. Ever notice that? Every single time, I don’t think there’s ever been an exception. Every single time the Left has disagreed with the outcome of an election, they go into court and attempt to thwart the election results they disagree with, by judicial fiat. Obviously, they prefer oligarchies. For those not familiar with this term, let me.. as the educator of this page inform you as to it’s meaning, and it’s usage in history. So, pay attention, I’m educating you NO on 8 people!”

Oooh, I bet the Professor here was incensed when the Supreme Court installed George W. Bush as president even though the will of the people clearly favored Al Gore. I bet he snapped his chalkboard pointer in half, canceled office hours for the day, put on his tweed sport coat, and went home to calm himself with herbal tea and a few volumes of Will Durant. I just bet.

“For me, this is not about the right or wrong about homsexuality, it is about holding on to values in this country. Let’s face it, everyday, the lessons we try to teach our kids are condemened by people with other agendas. Even simple fun things like halloween are no longer allowed in our schools because someone decided it MIGHT offen someone else. We can no longer safely say Merry Christmas for the same reasons.”

In the spirit of the holiday, I’m not going to point out that it wasn’t the “homsexuals” who put the kibosh on Halloween, as anyone who’s ever ventured anywhere near West Hollywood on October 31 can attest. I’m simply going to give thanks that the gays haven’t yet managed to ruin Thanksgiving, and wish you a happy holiday spent among fair-minded family and friends!

Drill, babies, drill

November 13, 2008

“We are already burning up all of the earth’s oil and leaving children with trillions of dollars of debt. Now the homosexual community wants the benefits of marriage for themselves in the name of ‘equal rights’. We should not be giving these benefits away lightly. The needs of children are far more important than any other consideration.”

Dude, it’s not the gays driving the Hummers.

Mighty Morphin Power Gays

November 13, 2008

“Pretty soon the word marriage will have no meaning and we’ll all just be morphed together by the person we are sharing a bed with, like Brangelina (Brad Pitt*Angie Jolie). So Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, married for 50 yrs, would be reduced to PaulJo.”

Siegfried and Roy can be “Soy!”

“My Nephew is Gay. I support yes on 8. Just because I support yes on 8 does not make me a Hater or a bigot. I love him for him , not because he is Gay or straight. He has a lover and they come around all the time.”

I’m including this comment because it points to a fascinating phenomenon I’ve noticed recently: Everyone who supported Proposition 8 has a lone gay nephew whom s/he loves very much and who is either 1) perfectly happy to lose his right to a civil marriage or 2) completely unbothered by his aunt’s/uncle’s vote against his civil rights. You don’t have to take my word for it. Ask around, and come tell me if the number of Imaginary and/or Internally Homophobic Gay Nephews of Marriage Equality Opponents isn’t through the freaking roof.

“As I keep hearing from the No on prop 8 people ‘Like it or not’ if we choose Sin as a nation than we can no longer end very eloquent speeches with ‘God bless America’.”

Do y’all remember Lily Tomlin’s guest spots on Sesame Street years ago? I mention them only because I have a sneaking suspicion that “Wes” actually ends most of his Very Eloquent Speeches with “And that’s the truth. PLLTHLTHLTHTHH!!!”

“WHAT gives them the right,to RE-WRITE the marriage laws??? Enough already live your life leave other people alone. What next everyone on the bandwagon for more equal rights,paligamony etc.etc!!! Once AGAIN voting YES on 8,GOD has the last word!!!”

A word to the wise: If you’re going to follow the slippery slope all the way to polygamy, don’t get divorced, because the paligamony really adds up.

Lego my girlfriend

October 26, 2008

“I saw two young ladies at Legoland going at it.”

They stood out, because they were the only ones in the park without properly interlocking parts.

“Ironically, the best argument for the secular view of gay marriage came from Reverend James Dobson. When asked by Larry King why he was against same-sex marriage, the internationally respected Pastor did not refer to any of the many biblical scriptures that condemn the behavior. Instead he simply said, ‘stand a naked man next to a naked woman and it should be obvious why these two were made to be with each other.'”

Alternatively, stand a naked James Dobson next to a naked Larry King and watch every straight woman in the world weep that she wasn’t born a lesbian. (Dobson/King nakedness not required to achieve these results.)

“To answer your question; YES on 8! And I do get to vote, so I will cancel out your vote; HA HA! your vote will mean nothing!”

Do you think s/he understands that that works both ways?

Do you, as I do, hear that “HA HA! Your vote will mean nothing!” in Nelson Muntz’s voice?

That’s all I’ve got.