“If gayosity IS genetic, it’s simply Darwin’s way of eliminating the flawed among us, by making it absolutely impossible for them to naturally reproduce.”

You are the very model of a guru of gayosity:
You’re very quick to school us on its reprobate atrocity;
Your logic’s unassailable—and witness the profundity
Of arguing that marriage is conditioned on fecundity!

…But usually, you homophobes display a strong affinity
For viewing all creation as the product of divinity,
So how did Darwin creep into your glib religiosity,
You sacrilegious model of a guru of gayosity?


Pomp and stupidity

December 5, 2008

“Susan and Colleen will never be a man and a woman getting together in marriage for the purpose of procreating naturally and raising a family of normally-engendered children. Handing them a marriage certificate is exactly like giving somebody a college degree when they didn’t do the work and pass the courses. They may have the degree certificate, but they don’t really have the knowledge that goes with the degree. It’s all just on paper. Fake. Phony.”

That’s right, gays. (Susan? Colleen? Are you paying attention, or are you goofing off back there?) You think this is all fun and games, but let me tell you, nobody walks out of the Cascades of Love 24-Hour Wedding Chapel as husband and wife without pulling a lot of all-nighters first.

Homophobia: Now with limon!

December 5, 2008

“There is a huge amount of value in tradition, especially when it comes to defining terms. Say we take the word ‘lemon’, they have been around for ages. While looking at a lemon, you are informed that a new meaning of the term ‘lemon’ now includes limes and grapefruits. It turns out that lemon had too narrow of a definition and you will forever be requied include these two newcomers in the definition. Thus changing the landscape of citrus fruit forever. No way would I want to be called a lemon if I am truly a grapefruit. Citrus is to Lemon as Domestic Partnership is to Marriage.”

With all due respect, I submit that Anita Bryant did far more to sour (get it? lemons? sour?) the relationship between citrus fruit and homosexuality than we possibly could.

“Prop 8 did/do is legalize discrimination against a class of persons
how does it discriminate agaisnt one class of people when the law applies to everyone?
if it discriminates against one class, name the ‘class’ of people that can marry the same sex?????”

You know which class is feeling especially marginalized and ignored right now? English class.

“A Wrong Choice that Creates Confusion, by FinestCityMan

Like those from San Francisco Bay,
They argue, we are born Gay!

Truth will prevail and lies will be exposed.
To intimately love the same sex is what you CHOSE.

All people are tempted to do what is not right,
But grasping onto sin is what we need to fight.

Planting a penny in soil and expect it to grow,
Is like the ‘confused love’ of them that don’t know.

Turn eight flat on its side,
It is a symbol that means never die:

For infinity, a man with a man is a mistake.
Think of the future, always vote yes on Prop 8!”

Everyone up in Bay-ville liked gay folks a lot;
FCM, who lived well south of Bay-ville, did not!
He raved and he ranted in passionate verse
With meter that wobbled and rhymes that were worse.
He urged all his readers to vote “yes” on 8
To help California stay narrow and straight.
He typed all night long on Election Day Eve
About cocker spaniels and Adam and Steve—
And when it was clear that the bigots had won,
He said, “Hallelujah! My work here is done!”
But something incredible happened that day:
The gay people just kept right on being gay!
They hadn’t been wiped out. They hadn’t been banished.
None of them vaporized, kicked off, or vanished.
They took to the streets with their struggle to marry—
And he sighed and dug out his rhyme dictionary
To keep writing couplets (not always heroic)
Defending the morals of the Mesozoic.

“There is no equal right amendment, it was shot down a few decades ago. the 14th only protests rights, it doesn’t guarantee them. And thank you for the ‘smurph’ comment. It really shows your maturity level, and it validates my condescending tone.”

Come to think of it, I saw the 14th amendment out on the street corner, protesting against special rights for straight people, just this past Saturday. It was holding a big sign that said “SMURF TO HATE, SMURF ON 8!”

“See there you go again. Saying my freakin god. You do not even know to use upper case on His name. the peole that know the least about God usually say the most. The bottom line is you are a democrat and i am a repubican so get over it!”

What I like best about this comment is its strict observance of the Law of Conservation of Capital Letters. What I like least is its reminder that “There you go again” has officially found its way back into our national discourse. Thanks a lot, ronald reagan.

“The push that many gay advocates are seeking is for us to support their behavior as well. It is not just supporting homosexuals, but supporting homosexuality. This is the difference between letting people live and granting marriage. How would you like it if you were forced to provide some type of services for Playboy, etc? I don’t know about you personally, but this is against my moral conviction. You know very well that that is how far the gay community will push this.”

TIP FOR ASPIRING DEBATERS: When attempting to win straight guys to your side, one highly successful rhetorical tactic is to raise the abhorrent specter of a job with Playboy.

Screw unto others….

October 15, 2008

“The Golden Rule says ‘Honor thy father and thy mother.’ Are we going to twist its Author’s commandment? Can we dare to say ‘Honor thy father and thy father?’ Or, ‘Honor thy mother and thy mother?’ The point is that it honors father and mother for their marriage institution. Ever since, every mammal has either bolt or nut!”

Nothing’s better than being lectured on Scriptural interpretation by someone who can’t tell the Golden Rule from the Fifth Commandment from the Second Law of Thermodynamics from the return policy at Home Depot. Mmmm, Home Depot.