“I know there may have been differences in the past between you pro-gay marriage people and us Prop 8 ‘bigots.’ And I know your feelings may be hurt, but get it over with… the people have spoken. Can’t we just all be friends now?”

I’m afraid not. Although we certainly don’t hate you, and we’re magnanimous enough to tolerate your choice of a bigoted lifestyle, we can’t allow you to call yourselves our “friends.” You see, the word “friendship” has for centuries denoted a relationship between mutually supportive people who would not deny each other’s fundamental rights and freedoms, and we can’t let you radically redefine such a sacred institution. (If we start down that slippery slope, next thing we know, you’ll want to be “friends” with your iPod or your ficus tree! What’s stopping you?) And most importantly, we refuse to let you teach your perverted concept of “friendship” to our children. Find another word, please.