“The who point is: Stay in and foul your own nest; don’t try to invade the neat, clean, tidy nests of others (heteros).”

If you grew up, as I did, on Horton Hears a Who and Horton Hatches the Egg, I don’t know how you can picture anything other than a cartoon elephant in that tidy nest, hearing a tiny insistent voice…..

“We’re here,” said the gays, “and unsure what you mean,
Since our nests, like yours, are all friendly and clean.
Our weddings, to you, must seem terribly wrong,
But to us, who aren’t bigots, they’re loving and strong.
Our town is called Who-ville, for we wish we knew
Just Who turned our civil rights over to you?”

Trick or tree!

December 23, 2008

“I feel that with the law permitting marriage to any gender to any gender, this will send the message that traditional structure in society is forever altered.. in the same way that it would be made mandatory to display a giant jack-o-latern next to your Christmas tree.”

[Sing to the tune of “The Holly and the Ivy“]

Oh, the pumpkin and the pine tree, when they are side by side,
Cause this poor fundy’s head to spin as her holidays collide.
Oh, the rising of the hackles and the running of the mouth
Would be funny if our civil rights weren’t quickly heading south.

“I have children that may be taught in school that same gender sex is natural. Same gender sex does not create children. ‘Then where do babies come from for this family’? I think that this will cause confusion for kids. If I were a martian from space placed on earth to observe this subject and how it is affecting humans, I would be one seriously confused alien. I would simply then go by the planets natural order of things and know that to be how the human race continues.”

Yes, indeed. If anybody’s going to be scandalized by the notion of probing someone’s nether regions for non-procreative purposes, it’s going to be the Martians.

“For decades now, well-organized, well-funded and highly influential ‘gay’ political pressure groups have, with impertinence, hijacked the language of the authentic civil rights movement. In what amounts to a sort of soft racism, self-styled ‘queers’ have disingenuously and ignobly hitched their lil’ lavender wagons to a movement which, by contrast, is built upon the genuine and noble precepts of racial equality and humanitarian justice.”

Oh, honey, our wagon isn’t half as purple as your prose. The only language you’ve “hijacked” seems to be that of Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

“It would just be nice to get all the fruits out of the parks and public bathrooms for a change, make it safe for children to urinate without being molested or kidnapped by an aroused fruitcake.”

Atalanta, who found this one, says “I can’t even stand unaroused fruitcake.” It’s true, but can’t you just picture all the candied orange peel and walnuts and glace cherries standing at attention, and doesn’t that make your day just a little bit better?

“You and your friends just get hostile because you think acceptance is just something everyone should bend to. I don’t like sushi and if a bunch of people ganged up on me and told me I had to eat it, I’d bite off their fingers. That’s the wonderful thing about conviction, I can have it and I don’t have to prove crap to you.”

I think I need a nice seaweed wrap right about now. Because this commenter, like so many others, still doesn’t understand that we’re not forcing him to eat sushi—we’re asking him to coexist in the same restaurant with other people eating sushi. And we don’t even smell like fish.