Amrraiage (noun): The holy union of one amn and one owman.
Ant Nation (proper noun): An industrious sub-culture that threatens the Cheeto supply of many Fundamentally Flawed contributors.
Applesause (noun): What mashed potatoes will never, ever be. Ever.
Babby (noun): What you’d better be churning out if you don’t want to make God crabbby.
Bekittle [one’s intelligence] (verb): To suggest that an anti-equality homophobe is not, shall we say, Mensa-ready.
Bilbe (proper noun): A holy book of scriptures favored especially by hobbits.
Chattel (noun, pl.): The animals from which we get Harvey Milk.
Co-mentally off same sex individual (noun): Gay or lesbian lover. May benefit from aggressive counseling or copyediting.
Gay apple cart (noun): Where one can buy apples from which to make applesauce, since it cannot be made from mashed potatoes.
Heterol (noun): The godly fuel that powers our society.
Hiliter (proper noun): A historical figure bigots love to bash and/or emulate.
Morel issue (noun): Just one more reason I ought to be doing this on shrooms.
Omohay-exualsay (noun, adj.): A sexual orientation popular in ancient Rome and/or Nebraska.
Queersland (proper noun): Where I’m moving if one more person says “You’re the one who’s intolerant!”
Paligamony (noun): The bane of Warren Jeffs’ existence.
Paradyme (noun): An oppressive and un-American system of equality for all, favored by pansies, fairies, and boobs.
Rouge (noun): What the Supreme Court became with its May decision; also, what the Supreme Court wears for its drag shows.
Slipper slope (noun): A spectrum of evil that leads inevitably to poligny.
Symantecs (noun): Something I wish fewer of these people had installed on their computers.
Throte (noun): Where the emoral gat people are always trying to shove their discusting lifestyle.
Tomple (verb): To trample upon (esp. civil rights, the First Amendment, or Gonzo).
Traveshamockery (noun): See “wickedepraviturpitude.”
** Please note: Still not applesauce.