Welcome to the Glossary! Here you’ll find a quick reference guide to the often creative and occasionally impenetrable language of marriage-equality opponents. New words will be added as appropriate.

Amrraiage (noun): The holy union of one amn and one owman.

Ant Nation (proper noun): An industrious sub-culture that threatens the Cheeto supply of many Fundamentally Flawed contributors.

Applesause (noun): What mashed potatoes will never, ever be. Ever.

Babby (noun): What you’d better be churning out if you don’t want to make God crabbby.

Bekittle [one’s intelligence] (verb): To suggest that an anti-equality homophobe is not, shall we say, Mensa-ready.

Bilbe (proper noun): A holy book of scriptures favored especially by hobbits.

Chattel (noun, pl.): The animals from which we get Harvey Milk.

Co-mentally off same sex individual (noun): Gay or lesbian lover. May benefit from aggressive counseling or copyediting.

** Important alert: Mashed potatoes are still not applesauce.

Garriage (noun; alt. farriage): Same-sex marriage, or possibly the structure in which a homophobe parks his or her automotive soulmate.

Gay apple cart (noun): Where one can buy apples from which to make applesauce, since it cannot be made from mashed potatoes.

Gayosity (noun): Homosexuality, especially of the flamming variety.

Heterol (noun): The godly fuel that powers our society.

Hiliter (proper noun): A historical figure bigots love to bash and/or emulate.

Morel issue (noun): Just one more reason I ought to be doing this on shrooms.

Omohay-exualsay (noun, adj.): A sexual orientation popular in ancient Rome and/or Nebraska.

Queersland (proper noun): Where I’m moving if one more person says “You’re the one who’s intolerant!”

Paligamony (noun): The bane of Warren Jeffs’ existence.

Paradyme (noun): An oppressive and un-American system of equality for all, favored by pansies, fairies, and boobs.

Rouge (noun): What the Supreme Court became with its May decision; also, what the Supreme Court wears for its drag shows.

Satan Moran (proper noun; see also Satin): A devil who would probably really enjoy mashed potatoes (which are not applesauce).

Slipper slope (noun): A spectrum of evil that leads inevitably to poligny.

Symantecs (noun): Something I wish fewer of these people had installed on their computers.

Throte (noun): Where the emoral gat people are always trying to shove their discusting lifestyle.

Tomple (verb): To trample upon (esp. civil rights, the First Amendment, or Gonzo).

Traveshamockery (noun): See “wickedepraviturpitude.”

Uholy (noun), U-holy (adj.): What fundies bring on second dates.

** Please note: Still not applesauce.

6 Responses to “NEW! Glossary of gayosity!”

  1. Pizza Diavola said

    what the Supreme Court wears for its drag shows.

    Coming soon with the touring cast, Gavels and Robes: Justice and Glam!

  2. Lauren O said

    This is fucking brilliant. I really want someone to record a dramatic reading of “End of story…or is it?” a la “<a href=”http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/”You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons.”

  3. Lauren O said

    It would seem I have botched my link. I will try one more time: You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons?

  4. Maud said

    I find the emphasis on the eternal separation of applesauce and mashed potatoes reassuring. Because I happen to like both applesauce and mashed potatoes, and if they were to become one and the same, I would have only one of them to like. I realize this may mean I am going to hell.

  5. Nancy said

    Actually Swedes like their mash potatos mixed with applesause/applasauce. But hey- I don’t think Swedes care who gets married, so that explains why they have no problem with this kind of mixing.

  6. felix said

    i have just decided that when i eventually come out to my father i will explain it to him in terms of mashed potato and apple sauce, i belive this is a concept he will understand 🙂

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